Ever been told to stay calm, be rational, don’t take it personally?
That’s the leadership script.
But here’s the paradox:
When leaders edit out their emotions, they also edit out their edge.
I’ve seen this play out with countless clients in very many organisations.
A leader-in-waiting is promoted because they’re steady, reliable, “professional.”
A new CEO is brought in to pull back from a crisis.
And yes – composure matters.
But when it turns into emotional flat-lining?
Your team feels abandoned. And you’re right there.
- Meetings feel safe… but distancing.
- Decisions become transactional, not human-led.
- People deliver… but don’t bring their best to the work.
Why?
Because emotions are data. Suppress them, and you lose signal.
The Psychology
Organisational psychologists call this emotional labour – the invisible effort it takes to fake or suppress feelings at work.
Do it long enough, and leaders burn out.
Or go brittle.
In agile coaching, we talk about the difference between:
- Technical agility: systems, sprints, processes
- Emotional agility: navigating discomfort, listening deeply, shifting perspective
Without the second, the first doesn’t stick.
And the research is clear: leaders who show emotional range build psychological safety.
And teams perform better because of it.
A Client Story
I was working with a founder of her own growing company, when she told me:
“I try not to let my team see when I’m frustrated or anxious. I think it would just make things worse.”
But the team already knew.
They just didn’t have language for it.
Her silence left a vacuum – and people filled it with assumptions.
When we worked on naming emotions without being consumed by them, something shifted.
- Frustration became urgency to improve
- Anxiety became care for what was at stake
- Doubt became a chance to take it to the team and invite input
The team didn’t lose confidence.
They gained clarity, meaning, and collective intelligence.
The Emotional Fluency Reframe
→ Don’t numb out. Emotions are information. Use them.
→ Name what you notice. It builds loyalty and trust, not weakness.
→ Connect the feeling to the purpose. That’s where leadership credibility lives.
→ Invite others in. Take it to the team every time. Shared emotion becomes collective energy.
Leadership isn’t about being calm at all costs.
It’s about being congruent.
And you can’t achieve that without emotional fluency.
Because people don’t follow perfect leaders.
They stay for human ones.
👉 What’s one emotion you’ve been editing out – and what might happen if you brought it in?
If this is resonating, there are two ways you can work with me:
- For individuals: Subscribe to my emails and join my inner circle – part coaching, part conversation, always actionable. Sign up here
For organisations: Bring me in to speak and help your leaders and teams build psychology-smart, purpose-led ways of working. Let’s talk
