I hear a version of this more often than I’d like:
“I don’t understand why they can’t just do it. I’ve explained it. It’s really not complicated.”
Good leaders get frustrated.
Great leaders get curious.
I was working with a senior leader recently who felt she lived in fire-fighting mode.
Excellent. Experienced. The person everyone turned to.
But the more she stepped in, the more her team stepped back.
On the surface, it looked like a capability problem.
Underneath, it was a leadership habit.
She wasn’t arrogant.
She was anxious about outcomes.
So she defaulted to what she trusted most – her own expertise.
That felt fast.
It looked helpful.
And it quietly taught the team a lesson:
“If it’s important, the boss will take it.”
Performance stalled.
Ownership thinned.
And she started believing they were the problem.
They weren’t.
Assumptions were.
And that was getting dangerous – for deliverables and deadlines.
But it was also denting her leadership reputation.
Assume Nothing. Ask.
Before you decide “they don’t care” or “they’re not capable”, slow down and run this simple sequence:
1️⃣ What behaviour am I seeing?
Missed deadlines. Shallow thinking. Too many escalations.
2️⃣ What might be driving it?
Lack of clarity. Fear of getting it wrong. Habit of you rescuing.
Sometimes it’s not about skill.
It’s about psychological safety.
3️⃣ What can I do to help?
Make expectations legible.
Shrink the first step.
Hold the responsibility – not the work.
Curiosity is a critical leadership skill.
It stops you solving the wrong problems – and keeps trust intact.
The Psychology Behind It
In emotional intelligence terms, control is a safety behaviour.
It spikes when stakes are high and identity is on the line.
In systems theory, every time you over-function, the system under-functions to match.
That’s not bad people.
That’s design.
Expert leaders aren’t the enemy of team growth.
But unexamined expertise can be.
When you always know best, you’ll always do most.
And eventually, your calendar tells a story your values don’t.
What Changed In Coaching
With that leader, we slowed the loop.
We didn’t take away her standards – we gave her range.
She started asking, in the moment:
→ What am I about to pick up that someone else should own?
→ What am I assuming they understand that I haven’t made explicit?
→ Where can I trade answers for questions?
Then we practiced three micro-moves:
- Clarify the outcome, not the method.
One sentence: “What good looks like.” - Shrink the risk.
First step in 24 hours. Review at 72. - Stay out of the middle.
No silent rework. Debrief openly. Name the learning.
Within weeks, escalations dropped.
The quality of output rose.
So did her bandwidth.
Inner leadership changed the outer system.
As it always does.
Your Leadership Reframe
→ Curiosity before conclusions.
→ Standards stay high – how you hold them changes.
→ If you often feel like the only expert in the room, check the habit that made it true.
Work With Me
This is the work I do with leaders who want their teams to grow without lowering the bar.
Coaching-infused, psychology-led leadership development for people-first organisations.
Explore:
- Grow With – for rising leaders and leaders-in-waiting
- Agility in Action – for teams navigating change or transformation
- Rethinking Offboarding – for compassionate, reputation-protecting exits
If you’re ready to lead with more clarity, calm, and trust – let’s talk.
