And the kind others want to stay for
You wouldn’t tolerate that tone from a teammate. So why would it be okay when it’s coming from… you?
Leadership isn’t just about leading others. It’s about the quiet moments no one sees.
The way you speak to yourself after a hard week.
The standards you set when you think no one’s watching.
The version of “success” you’re still chasing, even though it no longer fits.
This isn’t about productivity. It’s about presence. And inner leadership.
If you’ve ever felt misaligned with the person you’re supposed to be – and want to step back into being someone you actually admire – read on.
The most difficult ‘manage’ isn’t your team. It’s yourself. Especially when you’re on your own.
Being your own boss is brilliant. Right up until it isn’t. When there’s no one to tell you to call it a day. When a hard week turns into a harder one. When the energy dips – and no one notices but you.
One of my clients said something recently I haven’t been able to shake:
“I’m not proud of how I’ve been showing up lately. And I’m the one setting the standard.”
We dug into that. Because she didn’t mean productivity. She meant presence – the way she was making decisions, handling difficult moments, snapping at her team. The way her values had started to drift – not in huge ways, but tiny, cumulative ones.
The truth is: the most difficult person to manage often is ourselves.
Especially in leadership. Especially in midlife. Especially when the lines blur and no one is watching.
So we anchored to a different question:
What does it look like to be the person you’d want to work with?
And then rebuilt from there.
If you feel like your inner leadership could use a reset, I suggest starting with these:
➜ Clarity
Are your values still clear? Still visible? Still leading?
➜ Boundaries
What are you protecting that actually matters? Do you need to redraw the lines?
➜ Self-regard
Are you holding yourself to standards that nourish you — not just get stuff done, but actually leave you energised? Or are you stuck mimicking a version of success that no longer fits?
Because it’s not just about getting back on track. It’s about deciding what track you’re choosing.
So next time you’re tempted to push through…
Or lower your own bar…
Or hide the fact that things feel off in some way you can’t quite name…
Remember: You’re still leading.
Even when no one sees it.
Even when it’s just you.
And that inner leadership?
It sets the tone.
It models possibility.
It deserves attention.
If you’re not feeling like the person you’d want to work with right now, that doesn’t make you a bad leader. It makes you a reflective one.
And that is exactly where purposeful change begins.
